I hear this from so many people that they are doing this or doing that for the sake of other’s happiness. That’s great; we should all do that as much as possible. But then sir explain me why do you then cry about your own state while making someone else happy? It is noble to place someone else’s happiness before yours but then ask yourself a simple question – are you happy doing that? If yes, by all means, continue doing that. But if it is adding to your misery, please stop doing the damn thing right NOW.
To help you understand this better, let me share a few examples or situations where you may be compromising on your happiness for someone else’s.
- Marriage – OMG, I’ve heard this thing so many times when people tell me how they agreed to marrying someone they were never into or loved only because it gave their parents happiness. Great! You are a wonderful son or daughter… but are you? Did you marry to be a good son or to be a good husband? By marrying someone you never loved or can’t love, are you being a 100% husband?
- Education – doctor ka beta doctor banega and a lawyer’s son is generally a lawyer. While there can be an all-night debate on how many people are actually doing what they love to do but that we will do some other day. For now, let me just talk about all those emotional fools who take up their education only to please their parents – in case you are not from India, this is a very common practice in India
- Job – I’ve a family business that I need to handle or I need to fit into the social circle by being in this job. My entire friend circle is in the same line or my family is so I must also be in it
- Gays – I hear so many of them, who cannot tell the truth of who they are to the people around them, most importantly to their parents or to the closest of their friends. Every time I ask a gay why he can’t tell it to the parents, I hear that they don’t want to hurt their feelings and the worst, most even get married to someone for the sake of their parent’s happiness
There could be many more situations, but for now, let’s not focus only on examples. You can find it for yourself if you are stuck in any such situation. The key point here is – are you doing it right by doing something for the sake of someone else’s happiness. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that; by all means do that but do it only if you have the balls to do it with all your heart and soul.
If you look at it objectively keeping yourself aside, in most cases where you think you are doing it for someone else’s happiness, you actually are not doing so. You are most probably doing it because you are not able to speak up or you are not able to break free out of it. As hard as it may feel, the truth is that if you were a person who could spend the entire life looking at someone else’s happiness, you would have been happy doing it. If you are complaining about it or feel suffocated in it, the truth is that you are only finding solace in thinking that you are doing it for someone else’s happiness.
The fact is that you don’t have the balls to accept the truth and hence you are making the excuse of doing it for someone else. If like you, everyone just did what they were asked to do, we wouldn’t have this world as advanced as it is today. People battle their way out to make their careers or live the life with the one they love. Of course, it is easy for me to say all of this as I’m not in any such situation as of now… or am I? of course I too am but then I’m facing it as it is instead of giving into pressure and masking it on the name of happiness for someone else. Here are some steps you can take that might help you come out of whatever mess you’ve created for yourself.
- Accept – it all begins with acceptance. The first step to clearing any emotional mess is accepting that it is there and that you’ve created it. Till you keep blaming others for it or the pressure your family or peers put on you, you will never be able to come out of it. so what if they put pressure, you let them do it. You made your choice of crumbling under the pressure and hence you are in the situation that currently surrounds you
- Share – don’t keep things to yourself; it will only suffocate you further. Sharing helps. Sometimes, you might find people who have gone through the same shit and they might know better how to wipe it off. Don’t fear judgment of others, go ahead and share it with the ones who you think are worth sharing with. Now that doesn’t mean you go on your first date and do that. Believe me, it won’t get you laid 😊
- Leave aside your fear – much easier said than done but believe when I say this. Most of our decisions to do something for the sake of someone else’s happiness stem out of fear. For example, in the marriage case, you are not really doing it just for the sake of happiness. You are doing it out of fear. Fears can be many – either because you are scared to tell the truth, or sacred of saying no, fear of not finding someone else, fear of being alone. All of these and other fears play with your mind and make you either get into something that you don’t want to get into or get stuck in a relationship that was never meant to last. Live with someone out of love not out of fear
- Value others – like I said above, live with someone out of love for that person and not fear. Anything that is based on sympathy, fear, compromise will not last long and even if it does, it won’t be enjoyable. You don’t get into any relationship, job or any other thing just because you have to fit into the society. You do it because you want to enjoy life and be happy in it. There’s no fun in being with someone whom you can’t value. Either value the person truly and love the person for how they are or simply move on. Big deal if you are not able to stay together. By not valuing the person you are with, you are essentially disrespecting the person. If you are scared of the impact on the other person, you are not doing any great service by not valuing the person. By being with someone when you actually value the person, you respect the person and enjoy their company, otherwise, you are only being selfish as you don’t have the balls to say the truth
- Take a break – break-up is not always the answer but sometimes, taking a break is. Sometimes, you don’t really need to break up completely with someone. All you need is to take a break. Try it out. A break helps both – it helps in understanding each other, respecting the presence of the other person and you realize the small little things that the other person does. If you feel you are not 100% or your partner isn’t then go for a break… it might help in understanding and valuing the importance of each other
In conclusion, remember you are not Mother Teresa. You are probably not cut out to be happy forever seeing others in happiness. You are a normal human being who wants his happiness and has the right to be happy. Don’t feel guilty about asking for what makes you happy. It is your right. As long as you are not intentionally doing something to hurt someone, it is perfectly okay to ask for what makes you happy even if it makes someone else unhappy. What happens to the other person after you speak the truth is his or her destiny. It is based on how he or she reacts to it. You can’t be held responsible for it and you shouldn’t hold yourself responsible. As long as you’re not doing anything with the intent of hurting someone at purpose, by all means, go all out and speak the truth. For truth is difficult but is the right path to tread on…. Stay happy by being happy within. That’s what matters the most, stop screwing your life by giving your miseries the name of someone else’s happiness.