As mediocre as it may sound, I guess it is okay to be not okay. In the various conversations that I have with people, I’ve seen a common pattern among many. They are all unhappy because life or something in life is not okay as per them. And I keep telling them that it is okay even if you are not okay. It is okay if your performance in the office in a certain quarter is not okay or it is okay if the way my mom or mom-in-law treats me is not okay per me.
We are so obsessed with the idea of perfection that we always want it in everything we do and when we don’t get it, we lose our sleep or peace of mind for it. Now I know that most people reading this would immediately reject this piece of writing saying that I don’t run after perfection; it doesn’t matter to me if the room is not kept in a certain manner or if the things around me are not well kept. But before you leave this blog here, think about it again. Perfection is not just about things kept in a certain order. The obsession with perfection or the desire for everything to be okay every time is much beyond and deeper than that.
Here are some symptoms to help you probably identify if you suffer from this peace-shattering disorder.
- You often complain about what’s missing in your life. Sit back, relax for a minute and ask yourself, are you really happy with what you have. Do you often complain about what you don’t have or crib about how life for you is? You could be cribbing or often talking about the demanding boss or the nasty mother-in-law or the uncaring children or the lack of a house or bigger car. Whatever be the reason, you are always finding something to complain about
- You get stressed as soon as anything in life is thrown out of order for you. For example, you go to a party or get-together and you don’t enjoy there because you probably crave attention and you didn’t get much or you got way too much of it but not the way you wanted it
- You often remain in a state of constant or prolonged tension. Your body often gives you signs of such tension – black under eyes, graying hair, receding hairline, or any sort of physical disorder. I don’t know how much proof is there to it but this is my belief that your body reacts to the way you think and a stressed-out mind often leads to a much faster aging body
- You often live in a state of constant fear. It could be a fear of losing what you have or something going wrong with you or just the fear of failing but the fear is there. I’ve seen many people who cannot stand the thought of their spouse/partner going out for some time as they fear being alone or losing the person altogether. By the way, this is not the only fear one has
- You often consider others to be much better at many things or everything than you are. You are never the benchmark for yourself; others are. There is this constant self-degradation process taking place. For example, there’s this person I know of who will always have the name of someone else than his own for everything you ask him. If you asked him about work or looks or fitness or any other talent, he will end up saying that he or she is better than me at this
There could be many more symptoms but maybe I’m just too lazy to think or list down all of them 😊. The point is not the symptoms but the disorder itself. Unfortunately, most of us live in a state of denial, and no matter how many reasons or symptoms I list here, you will end up ignoring them if you don’t want to accept them. The first stage always is acceptance, but the problem is that here I’m asking you to accept that you are not okay or something is not okay with you. While we will complain about life not being okay for us constantly, we will rarely accept that it is this tendency of ours to not accept anything that is not okay, is precisely what is not okay with us. The problem mostly is not with the situation but the way we react to it. Like I keep saying, it is okay to be not okay. It is okay if everything in life is not okay as per us. Accept it as it is; coz in life I’ve learned that happiness begins with acceptance.
Mind you, here I’m nowhere advocating acceptance of mediocrity or sub-standard output. A BIG NO to complacence but a BIG YES to ACCEPTANCE of nature’s laws and the way they are. Look at an orange, each strand of an orange is not perfectly round or oval but when all those strands come together, they do become a perfect orange. No river is perfectly symmetrical in shape, no mountain is or anything that has nature has made. Yet, they all look so beautiful and serene the way they are.
As far as anything substandard or mediocre, by all means, raise your voice and demand for what you deserve. Never settle for less but then let not that less become an impediment to your peace of mind. It is okay if something is not okay in office or at a government place or on the roads or with your spouse or with your children or with friends. That is how they are, and they will mostly remain like that. Chances are that people don’t normally change as far as their traits are concerned. The key to happiness is accepting the differences between us and embracing them. As they say, Grant me the power to change things I can accept those I can’t and more importantly the wisdom to know the difference between the two. When you discover that wisdom, you also realize that sometimes it is perfectly okay to be NOT Okay.
So, my love, don’t be stressed out with anything or everything that may not be okay as per you…. Maybe it is how it is meant to be and you are only losing your sleep stressing over it. Believe me, it isn’t worth your sleep or peace of mind. Let your mind be in peace and not in pieces. Take a chill pill and enjoy even what is not okay. Remember, sometimes it is okay to be not okay.