Research has often mentioned that people don’t leave their job but they leave their boss. The fact of the matter is that you will always have bosses who may not be the easiest to work with. So do you keep changing jobs only because you are not getting along with your boss? While there is no fixed answer to it, one must however attempt to make it work with a boss if it is possible and feasible for you to do so, as long as it does not cost your peace of mind to you. The million-dollar question here is how to deal with a difficult boss. Let’s dive straight into it.
How to deal with a difficult boss?
Understand your boss’s personality type
We all have a certain personality type; especially at work. Try to identify what type is your boss. Is he or she a task manager or a people’s manager? Is your boss a talkative or a reclusive person? Knowing these basic traits about your boss will help you understand how is he or she as a human. Once you understand this, you can tweak your own behavior accordingly to make a more conducive environment for yourself.
Understand your boss’s working style
One’s working style is different from their personality type. Knowing the working style will tell you what matters the most to your boss and how to deal with your difficult boss. For example, some people are very analytical and data-driven whereas some focus more on aesthetics. If you know your boss is a data-driven person, make sure your emails and in-person discussions contain data, facts, and figures and that you keep the key data handy with you. On the other hand, for an aesthetics-driven person, ensure that anything you present is well-designed and neatly done. Since there are more working styles, carefully analyze your boss and identify the working style to mold yourself accordingly.
Practice empathy
Often in our limited view, we tend to see only what is visible. We have a life beyond work and often that shapes the way we are at work. Just like anyone else, your boss too may have some circumstances that may be shaping their behavior at work. Wherever possible, try to know your boss at a deeper level. Getting to know someone often unfurls such details that we may not have thought of. Secondly, try to put yourself in your boss’s shoes to understand the pressure they may be facing from their bosses or others. Try taking up any project independently if your boss allows you to do so. It will help you experience the pressure they may be facing.
Discuss your issues
You must have an open and respectful discussion with your boss on the issues you have with them. You have the right as well as the responsibility to share your views on how you feel about working with them or the issues you face while working together. However, you must remember that the discussion doesn’t become a complaint session and you don’t come across as a crybaby. Your objective should be to better your working relationship and not win an argument.
Set the right expectations
I have often noticed and experienced firsthand that frictions arise because there is a major mismatch between expectations. For example, you could be a person who likes to come early to the office and leave on time. On the other hand, your boss would prefer to leave late. This may lead to them setting up meetings late in the evening leading to heartache for you. It is better if you set the right expectations regarding your preferred working hours or time you will take to complete a given task or how often to get on calls/meetings. Timely expectation setting will help you ease frictions and even avoid them.
Avoid gossiping or discussing with others
As much as you would be tempted to, avoid gossiping about your boss or discussing them with others, especially with your peers. Consulting or seeking advice from someone to mend your relationship is very different from discussing day-to-day affairs or gossiping about your boss. Do not discuss incidents, emails, or chats with the intent of gossiping. Gossiping will not help you build a stronger bond; rather it will deviate you from work and will further dampen your relationship with your boss.
Don’t use it as an excuse for non-performance
I have personally fallen prey to this tendency of getting over-affected by my boss’s behavior or working style and then using it as an excuse for my non-performance. Trust me, using your boss’s personality as an excuse doesn’t help. It rather takes you away from your goals and affects your competence level. In the long run, it makes you more lethargic because you have found a comfort zone in blazing your boss for every failure of yours. Don’t do that; take charge and responsibility for your actions and refuse to get over-affected by someone’s intrinsic behavior and traits.
Be a leader
A true leader is one who doesn’t wait for a position of authority to exercise leadership. Use your equation with your boss as an opportunity to rise above emotions and demonstrate leadership. Take the initiative and make decisions when possible that you know will lead to positive results for the organization. Your efforts could turn a negative environment into a positive one. There is a chance that the boss may be behaving difficult to work with out of their own insecurities. These are perfect opportunities for you to rise above and practice leadership to take charge of the situation and change it for yourself, your peers, and the organization.
Keep emotions aside
We often mix emotions with work and get personal. We must realize that in 90% of the cases, a difficult boss does not behave the way they are out of any personal grudge. It is just that their personality type is such. For the sake of your own sanity, it is extremely important that you keep your emotions aside and view their decisions, actions, and demands in a more objective and practical manner. Mixing emotions blurs your vision and ability to see through clearly and it is at junctures like these that you start blaming your boss for your own actions and ineffectiveness.
Ask for a change in team or role
If you have tried everything and it still doesn’t work out for you, I suggest that instead of looking for a new job, you should consider changing your team or switching to any other suitable role. Talk to your HR and have a healthy discussion. Ensure that your discussion with HR should not be a ranting session but a constructive discussion to explore opportunities for yourself. Remember, the objective is to make life more peaceful for yourself. It shouldn’t be to make it difficult for your boss only because you find it difficult to work with them.
In conclusion, you must know that you don’t choose your boss but you can choose how to work amicably with them. If the above points on how to deal with a difficult boss make sense to you, then you must adopt one or as many as you can to make your working relationship with your boss better for yourself and for them.