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When you lose someone to find yourself – 4 lessons I learnt while coping with loss

Soul Colum > Relationships > When you lose someone to find yourself – 4 lessons I learnt while coping with loss
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Coping with loss is never easy and loss of someone you love is even more difficult. Sometimes it takes a toll on your peace, health, wealth and what not. You don’t understand what to do and what to refrain from. All you want is the person to return in your life. Nothing or no one seems to give you the peace you are looking for. In this search for that someone, you often end up losing yourself.

The reason could be any; break-up, death, rejection, cheating, infidelity; the feeling remains the same. I happened to witness this closely. A very dear friend of mine was coping with loss of losing someone and I saw it all. It is only after that I realized how difficult it is to cope with loss. My friend is someone who I never thought could cry, but I saw him breaking down… many times. I saw him going in a corner during a party and crying, sometimes, suddenly while eating food and once even when he was driving. In all this, while I learnt how difficult it is to cope with loss, I also learnt a few other lessons.

  1. Illusions are more painful – when you lose someone, the pain is mostly because you think that the one you lost was close to you and maybe belonged to you. You think of that person to be yours but in reality, it was only an illusion, the person never really belonged to you. I know it is very difficult to let go of that person or should I say that illusion. If you take a deep and calm look at the situation, you will realize that most of the pain is because of the illusion you have been living in and not the reality. In cases, where one leaves the other, we are hurt because we nurtured the illusion that the person belonged to us. We place someone very high in our priority list; nothing wrong with it but are we also a priority for them? Maybe the person never really deserved to be where we placed him in our life. Sadly enough, we end up hurting our self because of someone who wasn’t even ours. If he was yours, he wouldn’t have left you in the first place
  2. Fear of losing – often in love, we give up on our desires to keep our loved one happy. Their priority becomes more important than ours. It is good to submit yourself but make sure you submit yourself to someone who is also willing to submit himself. If you are in a relationship where submission is one-sided, remember it won’t last for too long. Your focus will always be on keeping your partner happy; which is great. But do a check, are you doing it out of love or out of fear of losing. Anything that is one sided will always be shadowed by fear of losing. It is better to lose someone completely than to lose yourself every day in the fear of losing that someone. At times, among married couples, though the marriage lasts in such situations, the bond and love doesn’t. Love is a beautiful bond; don’t let it become a bondage for you
  3. We all have a role to play – each person has a role to play in your life. Sometimes, some people come in your life only to teach you a lesson and they go once their role is over. It is now up to you whether to keep crying about their exit or learn the lesson and move on. Accept it that the person has played his/her role in your life and it is time for you to move on as he has already moved on. Be open to accepting someone else. Giving up on someone due to fear of tomorrow or what has happened in the last is the biggest mistake you can ever do
  4. Lose to gain – sometimes, we lose our self to gain someone. But at times, we have to lose someone to find our self and that my friend is the biggest discovery. It is only when we lose someone and then truly let go of that person, we begin to find our self. Our life becomes so fixed and concentrated on that one person that we forget our own self. We would probably eat, cook, dress, mingle with people, and learn new language as per the partner’s likings only to please one person. But when we lose that person, we realize how much we have rather lost our self. You changed so much that you are probably not the original you. Once you realize this; that is the time when you begin on a journey to find yourself and reclaim who yourself and believe me once you find yourself, you start falling in love with yourself… all over again
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181 thoughts on “When you lose someone to find yourself – 4 lessons I learnt while coping with loss”

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